First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
