I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
