Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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