I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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