SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
