A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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