Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
