discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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