It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
