Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
