the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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