Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
