If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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