We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
