i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
