That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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