i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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