I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize