oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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