i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
