The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
we're making bets on your personal life
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
