What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
