i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
