he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
