she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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