I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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