When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
