help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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