FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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