Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
