ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
