6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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