Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
