Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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