3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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