She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
