I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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