Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Randomize
