um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
