pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
