I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
