you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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