Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
