For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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