Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
