the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
