Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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