So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
