So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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