do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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