Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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