Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
