your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
