I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
