First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
