bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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