too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize