im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
