He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
How does it feel to date your dad?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
