just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
