I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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