dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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