my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
