Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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