One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize