I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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