but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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