Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
