my phone needs a breathalizer
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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