I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
