yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
